I Miss You, Jack

            Our first puppy Jack was a yellow lab.  He was a big dog weighing roughly a little over 100 pounds.  He was not fat by all means, just very tall.  Jack was the dog that everyone loved.  Everyone that ever came in contact with him loved him, even people that weren’t “dog people”.  He was the friendliest dog with a terrific personality.  He would never hurt a person or another living thing if his treats depended on it.  Jack was an extremely smart dog right from the start.  I will never forget the first day we got him.  He was so scared and hid under the table and shook.  Once he got used to the place he would wander out and get to know everyone, very slowly.  I remember him falling asleep on my lap that night. 

            He grew up a bit and suddenly turned into this rambunctious pet that always wanted to play.  He loved chewing on things and jumping around and chasing us, but he always knew when to calm down and understood when we told him no. 

            Jack loved everyone, you can tell.  He could always cheer me up when I was sad.  Whenever he saw me cry he would come over and lick my face.  His kisses were the best.  I remember lying in my bed in the morning and hear him come barging in my door, lick my face, walk in a circle around my room and then leave; just letting me know he was around.

            Our “Pupperoni” loved to walk through my legs.  He had a great sense of humor about it too.  He shed a lot and the dog hair at times was unbearable and it seemed like every time I would be wearing a pair of dark colored pants he would walk through my legs even when I told him no.  I couldn’t get mad at him because I knew he was perversely doing it.  I would just laugh about it and think of him as being a smart ass at times.

            He also loved when someone would “rub a belly”, that’s what we used to call it when we would scratch his stomach.  Or sometimes we would “rub a chin”, but he always loved it when someone would rub his stomach.  He would often nibble on something as we did it.  Not chew on something to destroy it, just playfully nibble on it.  And then we would say, “Give me kisses”, and he would lick our face.

            Our couch is right under a window that looks out the front of our house.  Jack used to sit on the arm of the couch and put his paws up on the back of the couch and look at the window.  He used to love doing this.  I swear he used to know when someone was coming home because it seemed like every day between 3:00 and 3:15 he would sit by that window and watch for my mom to come home.  I was the only one home with Jack during the day in between my classes.  I remember seeing him sit at the window around the time my mom would be coming home from work and going to sit with him.  When she would pull in the driveway I would say, “Jack, look who’s home!  Let’s go get her.”  And we would jump of the couch and run outside to greet her.

            Another favorite spot of his was my parent’s bed.  He would lay there and when I wanted to come downstairs I would always say, “Jack, where’s mom?  Let’s go get her.”  And he would jump off the bed and run downstairs to my mother, wagging his tail.  I mentioned he was very smart and I believe he knew our names.  Whenever someone would tell him to go get someone, he would.  It was amazing.  We also taught him to close the door.  When he wanted to go out he would sit by the back door and scratch to let us know and we would leave the door open a crack so he could walk back in.  When he did reenter, we would say, “Jack, go close the door.”  He would get really excited and nudge the door with his nose.  He would close it, but sometimes not all the way to where you would hear the click.  So then he would go back and jump up on the door until he heard the click.  It was very funny and a great conversation piece whenever we had people over.  This amazed most people.

            One of my favorite things he did was tilt his head, especially when you said the word “wanna”, such as, “Do you wanna treat?”  “Do you wanna go for a ride?”  “Do you wanna play?”  “Do you wanna go outside?”  It was a cute thing that made me kept saying the word “wanna” repeatedly. 

            Jack loved pictures.  He took great ones.  I bet his dream was to be a doggy model.  He knew when someone had a camera and it seemed like no matter what we made him wear or where the picture was taken he was always looking directly into the camera.  I told you- smart dog.

            When most dogs know they are going to be fed, they stand around impatiently and wait for the food; not Jack.  My mom would start mixing the food and Jack would run in the opposite direction and sit on the couch right under the window until she put the food down.  He did this every time he was about to eat.

            My mom is addicted to coffee and every night she goes to Curry Donut for a large coffee.  Jack and I used to go along for the ride.  He had a bad hip and it took him a while to jump in the car because we have a big Ford Explorer.  It became a ritual for us.  Whenever we asked Jack if he wanted to go for a ride in the car to get a coffee he got excited.  I miss those rides with him.  They’re not the same.

            On Christmas morning he would always be one of the first ones up with my brother and I.  We would rush down the stairs to see our presents and Jack would run over to his and go through it.  He knew exactly which one was his.  And then he would sit there and chew on his new bone for a while, and when he got bored he would come check out the scene and look at what everyone was getting.

            The front yard was his favorite.  He asked to go out there all the time, most of the time just to walk around or sit in the yard and enjoy the fresh air.  We would peak out once in a while to make sure he wasn’t on the road.  If we saw him starting to wander a bit (he never wandered very far), we would say, “Jack, stay in your yard”, and he would listen.

            Most of the time we let him out in the back yard.  It was easier this way because the back yard is fenced in and we knew he couldn’t go anywhere.  If we didn’t see him we knew he was probably under the porch.  One day the pool people were over opening our pool and they left a gate open.  My brother and sister were home watching the dog and did not know and let him out.  My mom and I came home and asked where he was because he usually greets us at the door.  Of course, Matt and Ashley didn’t know, they said he was outside.  All of a sudden we heard a scratch on the front door, as if he was knocking.  I opened the door and let him in.  He was wet and covered in mud and smelled really bad.  We did not know where he had wandered to, but it seemed as though he had a good time; his tail was wagging and he seemed so enthused.  He may have wandered away that day, but he sure knew how to come home and knock on the front door.  Again, it was right when my mom and I returned home- smart dog.

            We have a pool, but he never liked it.  Can you imagine?  A lab not liking water!  My mom was happy about this because she didn’t want him scratching the lining with his nails.  Speaking of water, I used to love when he got a bath.  He would behave pretty well for my mom as she washed him, but as soon as he got out there he was a wild man.  He would run around the house and run on the couch, pulling it apart.  (We have one of those couches that are in three sections)  He was a riot.  And we could never brush him because he hated it.  We tried to brush him as he walked by us.

            He had lots of toys that he loved.  There was “Flour” and “Rags” and a whole bunch of them.  I even gave him this huge Easter Bunny that a horrible ex-boyfriend gave me once.  He really enjoyed that.  It was funny seeing him carry this huge bunny, bigger than him, in his mouth.  I believe he even knew the names of his toys.  If someone were to say, “Jack, where’s Flour?  Go get Flour”, he would run over and bring black Flour.

            Jack just turned five in October.  His birthdays were funny.  We used to give him one of his favorite bones and stick a candle in it.  He didn’t know what was going on, but he did appreciate the bone. 

            Our “pupster” was not a very big eater to begin with, but always loved table food.  We did not give it to him often because it is not healthy for him, but if you ever did, you were his friend for life.  He stopped eating his food and at first we thought he was just being stubborn.  Then we realized that he wasn’t eating “people food” or any of his treats, which was extremely, not like him.  So on November 13^th my mom called the vet and we took him there.  He had to stay overnight, and in fact stayed the next day as well.  The day after that, Wednesday it was, my mom went to the vet to pick him up.  I did not know, so when I got home from school I had a big surprise waiting for me.  I pulled in the driveway and saw him outside and he darted to my car to greet me.  It was the greatest feeling in the world.  It turned out that he had a liver problem, but they weren’t really sure what it was.  He had a shade of yellow.  The next day my mom was supposed to bring him to Allentown for an ultrasound.  I remember sitting in the window watching them leave, I had just made soup and was getting ready to eat it.  I don’t know what happened, but I suddenly had a huge urge to go along.  I ran outside and asked my mom if I could go.  I had to run to the school to drop off a paper first, but after that we were on our way to Allentown.  The whole time we were there he was whining.  While my mom sat in the waiting room for three hours, Jack and I kept going in and outside.  Every time we would go out it wouldn’t be because he had to go to the bathroom, because he would always lead me to our car in the parking lot.  He would just sit there and look at me and then look at the door.  I knew he did not want to be there and I would do anything to have been able to put him in that car and just take him back home.  When it was finally our turn, he had his ultrasound and again the doctor wasn’t exactly sure what was wrong with his liver, but did not see any types of tumors.  The one thing he did see was that his liver was shrinking and was about 1/3 the size it should have been.  He urged us to bring him back to our vet immediately that night and we did.  I remember walking into the vet and handing him over to the girl that worked there.  He wouldn’t stop crying.  His tail was between his legs and he kept walking to the door.  It was extremely sad, but I was trying not to cry because for some reason I like to pretend I am brave in front of my mom. 

            That was on a Thursday.  The vet called that Saturday and said there was nothing left they could do and we should bring him to the University of Pennsylvania because there might be more they can do there.  My mom and I took him to Philadelphia that day.  When we picked him up he was completely yellow, his eyes, his toenails, his ears, his belly, everything.  He looked awful.  Jack wasn’t really himself, but he still had a little bit of spunk.  When we got there we had to wait a few hours in the waiting room.  Whenever we were at a vet it seemed like Jack always liked standing by the door, greeting the new comers, or probably because he wanted to get the hell out of there.  Again in Philly, my mom waited in the waiting room and Jack and I went back and forth in and outside.  We were having fun running, rather jogging around.  I remember walking down the street and I just began to cry asking Jack to get better, please get better.  I prayed so hard for that dog to get better.  I couldn’t stand seeing him this way.  He led me to a busy street and a bus drove by and he just stopped and watched.  We sat there for a while just watching the cars pass by.  At first I thought it was weird, but then I realized that he was never in the city before.  He is used to one car passing by every hour, if that.  This was a new experience for him.  We continued walking and he went up to every single person on the street, something we are taught never to do in a big city.  Like I said, he was a friendly guy.  Even the strangers would come up to him and pet him and instantly fall in love with this dog. 

            It was finally our turn and we had to wait once again in another room.  We waited over an hour in there.  Jack just laid on the floor and once in a while would get up and scratch at the door hoping someone would let him out.  The doctor said they were going to run some tests and possibly give him a liver biopsy.  We knew we had to leave him there overnight again, so they took him away from us and we went to check out.  They asked if we would like to say goodbye to him so we went back and he was tied to a table and he wouldn’t even look at us.  It was as if he was giving us the cold shoulder for leaving him there.  We left the building and I finally broke down and began crying in front of my mom.  I knew he wasn’t going to make it, but I just didn’t want to face it.

            I was getting ready to go to school on Monday the 19^th when the doctor called.  I told him to call my mom at work.  I would not leave for school until I heard from my mom.  She finally called and said there was nothing left to do and that we were going to have to put him to sleep.  The doctor told her that if we wanted one last night with him we could go and pick him up.  I raced down to her office and went with her once again to Philly.  Again we had to wait and when he entered the room he looked terrible.  My mom was checking out and I walked outside with him before our journey home.  Nothing I said or did would get any kind of reaction from him.  He didn’t even answer to his own name.  Jack could barely walk, and his one leg was dragging.  I had to actually pick him up to put him in the car, which was very hard to do.  I cried a lot seeing him like this, but I still was hoping for a miracle.  I did not want to put him to sleep because I really did not believe in it.  I wanted him to die in the comfort of his home and family where he knew he was loved, but I knew my mom would not want that because of the condition he was in.

            We got home and it was the saddest thing I have ever encountered.  He did not do anything.  The only time he walked was when he asked to go outside.  He went to lie down on the deck and I followed him afraid that he was leaving the company to die.  Our whole family went out one at a time to comfort him and talk with him.  We finally got him on the closed-in porch on the couch where he loved to lay.  I remember I was out there with my brother and my brother said the saddest thing.  It looked as if Jack was trying to fall asleep and I mentioned that to Matt.  Matt responded by saying, “Don’t fall asleep, Jack.  Please don’t fall asleep”, and began crying.  I have never seen my brother cry like this, but it was not a time to be ashamed.  Jack finally made his way inside and rested on his bed in the center of the room.  Our whole family gathered on the couch and reminisced about the good times we had with him and all the funny things he did.  It felt better, but was still really sad. 

            That night my mom slept on the living room couch with Jack on the floor and my brother and sister slept on the family room couch.  My dad was in his bed and I was in mine.  I have this stuffed animal that I had ever since I was a baby, “Ducky”.  I know it is childish, but I still keep it close to me when I sleep.  It seems to comfort me and make me feel safe, even though it is only a stuffed animal.  That night I gave it to Jack, hoping he would find the same comfort.  I put it in between his front legs so it looked as though he was hugging it.  I didn’t want him to be afraid.  In the middle of the night I woke up and heard Jack howling, which was weird because he hadn’t made a noise in around two weeks.  All of a sudden the howling came to an abrupt stop.  For some reason I looked at the clock and it said 2:46.  I think deep down I knew.  I didn’t do anything.  I was paralyzed.  I was afraid of what I might find.  I waited a while and didn’t hear anything.  I thought for sure my mom would have heard it because she was right there.  When she didn’t come upstairs I figured I just heard something or was having a bad dream, but I couldn’t fall back asleep.  About an hour later I had to go downstairs just to check.  I had goose bumps.  I looked in the living room and saw my mom still sleeping and looked at that as a good sign.  I looked at Jack and he was in a very awkward, uncomfortable position.  I couldn’t tell if his body was moving or not, so I went over to feel his nose and still couldn’t feel if there was air because I had chills running through my body.  I was completely numb.  I turned on the light and looked at his eyes and then I knew.  I began crying and hugged him.  My mom jumped up and started crying.  Soon later the rest of the family was up crying.  We sat in there for a while until we realized there was nothing else to do.  The next morning we had to take him to the vet because we were going to cremate him.  He was extremely heavy and it took four of us to get him in the car.  My mom got a gate we have to put under him in order to make it easier to carry him.  We wrapped a sheet around him and when we picked him up some blood came out of his mouth.  There is still a little stain on the living room floor.  The girl at the vet’s office was crying when we brought him in and so were all of us.  It was impossible saying goodbye to him.  Probably one of the hardest things I ever had to do.  It was like losing a close member of our family.  No, it wasn’t like it; we did lose a member of our family.

            After Jack died we debated on whether or not to get another dog.  After debating and going back and forth, we decided to get one.  Not just one, but two.  We know another dog could never fill Jack’s shoes and no dog would ever compare to Jack, but we just couldn’t picture ourselves without a dog.

            My mom was feeling like she was betraying Jack.  I think Jack should be happy we were able to get another puppy.  He was our first dog after years of my mom telling us we couldn’t get one.  He showed us what having a dog was all about.  He gave us companionship, love, friendship, and great company that will cheer you up no matter what kind of mood you were in.  He could have been a mean dog that never listened and made us never want another dog again, but Jack was far from that.  He showed us how wonderful a dog can make our family and in turn make us want to get another one to share the love we have all over again.

            I think Jack is happy now.  I hope he is.  He only deserves the best.  He was so young and it was so sad that we only had a short time with him, but the time we did have was so precious, and I hope he realized that he meant the world to us.  No one could ever ask for a better dog and I miss him so much.  He will always be in my thoughts and in my prayers.  I love you, Jack.  See you again someday.   

Celeste